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JernejM

Nekaj dobrih, žal le v angleščini.

PARAPROSDOKIAN: a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian. Here are some more to enjoy!

* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright ... until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

* I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify': I put 'DOCTOR.'

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they're sexy.

* A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Upam da ste uživali, j

JernejM

Blondinka kupi avionsko karto za drugi razred poleta v New York. Potem pa lepo sede v prvi razred. Pride stevardesa, jo opozori, a blondinka reče: "Meni je tukaj čisto v redu!". Pride kopilot in tudi njemu pojasni, da se čisto dobro počuti. Zato pride še pilot, se nagne k njej in ji nekaj zašepeta. Blonda uvidevno pokima in odide na svoj sedež v drugem razredu. Na stevardesino vprašanje, kaj neki ji je rekel, pilot pojasni: "Povedal se ji, da prvi razred danes ne leti v New York."

JernejM

Ko hodim skozi razne čebelarske svetove, svoje in od drugih, opažam marsikaj, kar je malo čudno, smešno, žalostno, nerodno ... zato so mi na misel prišli tile vici, ki pa so lahko tudi malo poučni?

Začetnik
Pride starejši čebelar k čebelarju začetniku, in vidi, da ima okoli panja polno mrtvih trotov: "Ja kaj pa delaš?".
"Matice menjam, ker se mi zdi, da slabo zalegajo!".

Dva modra
Kupec: "Ali je ta med tretiran?"
Čebelar: "Oh kje pa, sladkor sem nabavil v bio-trgovini!"

Trije veliki
Ribič se hvali: "Ujel sem dvo-metrsko postrv in jo gostilni prodal za 500 evrov!"
Lovec: "Jaz pa 30-kilogramskega zajca in ga prodal za 700 evrov!"
Čebelar: "Moja matica pa zalega 5000 jajčk na dan."
"Ja in??"
"Potem pa jih žena na trgu proda po evro za komad!"

Naravni
Pride naravni čebelar leta 2030 v čebelarsko trgovino:
"12 metrov naravnega satja z malimi celicami, stekleničko esence za duhovni razvoj varoje, ter deset lesenih čebrov za spravilo medu, prosim!"

Lp j

JernejM · Objavljeno: 09 Sep 2011 19:35 Naslov sporočila:

Sestra: Gospod doktor, v čakalnici je pacient, ki pravi, da je neviden!

Doktor: Recite mu, da ga danes ne morem videti!

JernejM · Objavljeno: 29 Sep 2011 19:13 Naslov sporočila:

Vse je možno? Voditeljica oddaje in general:

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian.
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:!
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range..

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds........

JernejM · Objavljeno: 18 Nov 2011 08:48 Naslov sporočila:

Pride spodnji sosed iz bloka k zgornjemu. Oba imata enako obliko stanovanja. Vidi lepe tapete in si jih tudi on zaželi:
"Koliko rol tapet si nabavil?"
"20", odgovori zgornji.
Spodnji gre v projekt, dokonča in spet obišče zgornjega:
"Uh, meni pa je ostalo 8 rol! Kako to?"
Zgornji sosed: "Meni tudi!"
_________________
Sanjaj, stopi v neznano in se trudi najti pot.

Lin Hwai Min

JernejM · Objavljeno: 22 Jan 2012 21:58 Naslov sporočila:

Energija babice

Babica gre v meditacijo, se zbudi in udari po avtu. Glejte kaj se zgodi šoferju. Pravijo ji super-babica:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dte4SEXjK3I

Lp j
_________________
Sanjaj, stopi v neznano in se trudi najti pot.

Lin Hwai Min

JernejM · Objavljeno: 09 Feb 2012 11:49 Naslov sporočila:

Čebelarska maska za tiste, ki prehajajo iz komletne zaščite na čebelarjenje brez pajčolana: to bi bila lahko vmesna faza?? Rolling Eyes

JernejM · Objavljeno: 15 Feb 2012 14:09 Naslov sporočila:

Še en dokaz, da svet, še posebej pa Slovenija, ne potrebuje več pravih moških:

Od jutri v trgovinah! Rolling Eyes

Lp j
_________________
Sanjaj, stopi v neznano in se trudi najti pot.

Lin Hwai Min

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Domene | Spletno gostovanje | Reseller gostovanje | EMAIL gostovanje
SSL certifikati | Spletne aplikacije na klik | Brezplačna spletna stran (Website Builder) | WordPress gostovanje
Spletne strani, brezplačna izdelava in namestitev | Poceni letalske karte | Letalske karte | Poceni hoteli